I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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