Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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