he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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