You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
