I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
