we have officially lost it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
