My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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