My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We're too hungover to prance.
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