you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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