Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You took a bar mat shot.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
