I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
