need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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