I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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