I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Enjoy the penises
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize