gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
