bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
