I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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