what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
