I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
