I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I die, sorry about rent.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
