its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
