Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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