Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
