I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
