if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
