I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
