Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
