You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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