I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
