Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
