I just saw a hot homeless man
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
