Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
