your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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