he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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