the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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