That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
