so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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