life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
