No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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