i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
