I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
