I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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