remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
