help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
