i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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