new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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