Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
