I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
