Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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