How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
