so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
