it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
