Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
