dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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