I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
