His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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