tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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