Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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