maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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