I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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