After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
