The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
