he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
