If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
