sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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