I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
