Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
