But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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