are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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