He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
