I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
