have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
